Shouldn't Have Said That
by Yagami Byakuya
Summary: Who said that honesty was the best policy? A "What-if-Shinichi-told-Ran-everything-in-the-end" fic.


AN: This is what I imagine it would be like if Shinichi told Ran everything. Sorry if it's a bit OOC. Enjoy~

Disclaimer: Detective Conan and all the characters belong to Gosho Aoyama.

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Kudou Shinichi was against violence and brutality. Being a detective, he had seen more than enough of those to last for a lifetime. But at this moment, he would have no objections if he was allowed to land a few punches on the person who said that honesty is the best policy.

Because it is not. At least, not in his case.

After a long struggle of two years, the Black Organisation was finally wiped out and his body size returned thanks to Haibara's successful antidote. But then he had to face another struggle – whether he should confess to Ran about the truth regarding the little boy she had came to love and look after as her own younger brother.

Before he took the antidote, Shinichi had staged a farewell party as Edogawa Conan for the last time, telling everyone that he would be moving abroad with his parents. Shinichi even insisted for Kudou Yukiko to masquerade as Edogawa Fumiyo again to take Conan to the airport, just to make things more convincing.

It made his heart wrench again to remember how the Detective Boys were all crying and hugging him. Even Haibara appeared solemn. Both of them came up with the plan that Conan should leave Japan with Fumiyo and transit to U.S. via other countries to avoid suspicions. Then Conan would take the antidote and remain in U.S. for a few months before returning to Japan as Kudou Shinichi. The young scientist had, on the other hand, decided to remain as an eight-year-old to experience the normal life that she had never had before when she was still in the Black Organisation. While both Shinichi and Haibara knew that they would still keep in contact, they also knew that they would not be as close again as they had been for the past two years. After Shinichi's return, they would go in different directions and their once close rapport would undoubtedly drift apart slowly. After all, normal third-grader should not have any connections or whatsoever to a famous high-school detective and they both knew better than to attract unwanted attention. The Black Organisation appeared to be wiped out, but for all they know there might still be some associates who remained uncaught. It's always better to be safe than sorry.

Mouri Ran was in a conflicting mood, and Shinichi could see that from her face. On one hand, she was happy that Conan was finally able to spend more time with his family, but on the other, she knew that she would miss him terribly. He was like a little brother she had always wanted. He had kept her company most of the time after Shinichi's sudden departure, and she was grateful for it. Now that he's leaving, Ran did not know what else could distract her from constantly worrying about Shinichi. Before Conan board the plane, Ran hugged him and gave him a silver locket with a group picture attached inside as a farewell present. Both of them remained silent for a few seconds before Conan called out a "Take care, Ran-neechan" which Ran replied with a weeping "You too, Conan-kun."

As the plane took off, Shinichi mumbled a silent sorry and goodbye to Conan's friends, clutching the silver locket that Ran had given him before he boarded the plane. Looking at the picture, Shinichi knew that they would all be memories from the past now. It was not as if he did not want to be friends with them any longer, it was just that he had to be careful not to put them at risk. After all, he had gone a long way to ensure that the downfall of the Organisation would not be traced back to him. Even the police force did not know his involvement in it. They had all their information from an "anonymous benefactor" who had requested that he was "not to be mentioned in any of the official reports or newspapers". The FBI and CIA had dealt with the matters quietly, classifying the files on the Organisation as "Top Secret" and the only thing published in the newspapers was that a crime syndicated had recently been wiped out by the official bureaus. Neither Edogawa Conan nor Kudou Shinichi had been mentioned in any articles regarding the mysterious Black Organisation.

And now, five months after Edogawa Conan left Japan, Kudou Shinichi was sitting alone in a small café nearby his house, awaiting Ran's arrival. Ran had been surprised to see Shinichi when she answered the doorbell a few days prior, and after a tearful embrace she began to chastise him for his unexpected disappearance, prompting for information of where he had been and what he had been doing. He told her that he would give her the full story when she have the time for it, hence the meeting in the quiet café. He knew that a café isn't the most suitable place, but it was too hard for him to tell her in either of their houses. Besides, he knew the owner of the café well enough to be able to ensure that there will be no remnant members of the Organisation lurking around.

Ran arrived a few minutes later, apologising for being late because of an extra karate lesson which still carried on despite the fact that it was now school term holiday. A waitress came and took their orders, and as soon as she left, Ran began her interrogation.

"Shinichi, you said you'll tell me everything today. I'm telling you now that I'll not let you leave your seat until I'm satisfied with all your answers, not even if there's a murder case in here, you hear me?"

Shinichi nodded. It was fair. He had stood her up too many times before for sudden cases and he had sometimes felt guilty for it. He won't happen again. At least, not today. It took him days to summon all his courage to face Ran and tell her everything. He had debated with himself on whether he should tell her, and in the end decided that he should because she had every right to know. She was his best friend and Conan's guardian, and he had seen her worrying for both himself and Conan. He trusted her discretion and not to put herself at risk.

"Alright, where have you been all these years? Every time I asked you wouldn't answer me properly and just keep on giving me vague answers like working on a case! Do you have any idea how worried I was?"

There was an uncomfortable silence before Shinichi answered. "Yes, actually, I do. Ran, I don't know how I should tell you this, I don't know where to start. Maybe it would be best if I show you something first." Slowly, he removed the silver locket which Ran had given to Conan as a farewell present from his pocket and handed it over to her.

Ran was surprised. "I gave that to Conan. He's your distant relative, isn't he? Did he give it to you?"

"Not exactly. Well, you see, I…I was Conan." And so Shinichi began to tell Ran about his long battle with the Black Organisation, starting from the beginning where he disappeared after leaving Ran in the Theme Park.

By the end of his story, Ran was, needless to say, shocked. He had expected that. He had also expected her to be furious and had prepared for a verbal and physical outburst from her. What he had not expected was for her to start crying out of frustration instead of attacking him as he originally thought she might do.

"Kudou Shinichi! How can you even think of not telling me anything about this before? Is it because you don't trust me? I thought we are best friends! I've been worried sick about you for the last two years and now you're telling me that you were right beside me but never even bothered to comfort me by telling me that!"

"I'm sorry, it's just that… I don't want to put you and your dad in danger."

"That's just a lie, Shinichi! From what you said about that organisation, we're in danger just by living with you and you know it!"

Shinichi was silent. He knew that what Ran was saying was true and there was nothing he could say to deny it.

"Do you know how it feels, having to worry about you all the time but you've been here all along? How funny is that? And I loved you, Shinichi! You knew that! I've been telling Conan everything… I've been telling you everything! And you? What did you ever tell me?" Shinichi's silence only frustrated her more. "For god's sake, Shinichi, say something!"

"Ran… I love you too and you know it."

"No, I don't know! How am I supposed to know if you never told me anything at all?" By then, Ran's shrill screaming had attracted the attention of the other customers in the café, and Shinichi regretted his decision of telling her everything in public vicinity instead of his house.

It was not going well. He had not anticipated her reactions correctly. He thought that she would understand and that she might be furious at first but would come to see that he had to do it in order to protect everyone. Apparently she saw it in a different way.

"Ran, please, listen to me, I'm sorry but…" Before Shinichi could finish, he was cut off by Ran.

"I don't need your apologies, Shinichi. Just tell me, have you ever trusted me before? Did you ever have faith in me?"

"Yes, of course…"

"Then why didn't you tell me anything, you bastard! You're just a liar, aren't you? You never trusted me enough to tell me anything. Or is it just that you find it funny to watch me worried sick about you? Have you any idea how many nights I spent sleepless just because I was thinking of you? Just because I loved you don't mean that I'll allow you to ignore my feelings! You're just a self-centred egoist!" And with that, Ran stormed out of the café.

Shinichi did not hear from Ran after that. He had called her, left voice messages, went to her house but she never answered and kept on avoiding him. It was only after a week that he had got a letter from her.

_Shinichi,_

_I've thought about everything you told me, and I think that we've both been right and wrong at the same time. I was wrong to accuse you of being selfish and self-centred, and you've been wrong to conceal everything from me. You have your rights to do whatever you think was suitable to protect us, but I still dislike the fact that you had chose not to tell me anything at all._

_It was as if we don't have trust and faith in each other._

_You told me you love me back, but relationships never work out if we don't have trust and faith. You know that, don't you?_

_I'll be honest with you, Shinichi. If I hadn't known all this and you've proposed to me, I would have accepted wholeheartedly. But knowing all these, it was too difficult. I'm so confused. I don't even know what my feelings are right now._

_Perhaps it would be better if we are just best friends, or even siblings, like Ran-neechan and Conan-kun, you know?_

_I need more time to accept all these. I'll be away for a short time and hopefully by the time I'm back, we'll be best friends again._

_Ran._

Best friends, huh?

Shinichi was crestfallen to realise that it was almost impossible for them to be as close as they had been before they parted ways in the Theme Park two years before. Too many things had happened since then, and more obstacles had come between them which weakened their relationship.

He had always believed that Ran would understand if he explained to her. It hurt to know that she didn't. He thought that she would be happy when he proposed. Apparently not.

Shinichi really regretted telling her about it. His initial fear was that she would react badly if she found out later from someone else. He had felt that it would be better for him to tell her himself. It seemed though things would turn out better if he never even mentioned anything. It really stung to think that he and Ran would have been a happy couple now if the whole Black Organisation events never happened and if he never said anything about it to her. He could have remained silent or lied, but he didn't. He just had to be an honest big-mouth and destroy his own life and happiness. And Ran… she must feel really stressed out. Now that he thought about it, he don't think he could handle it too, if the situation was reversed.

It just hurt to know that you were not trusted by your friend. Your friend whom you're romantically interested in. Besides, lies were not appreciated, not even white lies.

At least they were still friends. Not best friends anymore, but still friends. That's good enough for now. Not that Shinichi liked that very much. But at least he hasn't lost everything. It was a very messy and complicated situation and even he couldn't comprehend what really went wrong.

He never thought that he and Ran would end up separate ways. Perhaps it was for the best. It may be that their feelings towards each other were only crushes, not true love which could withstand every test thrown in its direction.

It's over.

That's the truth and they both knew it now.

And the truth always hurts.

Maybe honesty isn't the best policy after all.

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AN: Wow... Ran was pissed. Ahahaha. I think she's gentle but strong-willed. Don't think she'll appreciate Shinichi lying to her for so long. You can disagree if you want to :D


End file.
